Posted by: neblinoso | October 9, 2009

Straight Talk

For those of you who don’t know yet and are still confused by my cryptic blogs, I found out a few days ago that my company is going to be closing the Cleveland site by the end of next year.

This came as quite a shock, not only to me, but for all my colleagues, even those here in Manila.  No one saw this coming, at least not so soon.  What was difficult for me was to hear this news via phone, while the rest of the Cleveland site sat together, united in their anguish.  From the moment this news was uttered, i began crying, holding the receiver in reverse so i could still listen, whilst preventing others from hearing my sobs. 

It was so hard to be alone in this hotel room, without the comfort of colleagues and miles away from family and friends who i could turn to.  When the call ended, i immediately called my mom, who happened to be with my aunt.  It was especially helpful, not only to hear her voice, but to just be able to talk about it to someone.  I spoke with several colleagues after that to share in their grief and have some sort of connection with those who were going through the same ordeal. 

Millions of worrisome thoughts are running through my head chaotically, like a fire drill with 1,000 blindfolded people bumping into each other trying to get to an exit.  Will i need to find a new job?  Will i be able to find work within the company, and if so, do i want to relocate?  Will i have to sell my house?  What am i even qualified to do and how do i relate that on a piece of paper?  Cleveland is not exactly booming with job opportunities.  I don’t want to move.  I love the city of Cleveland, no matter what people say.  And I love my little house.  It’s my first one and i’m not ready to say good-bye . . . but i might be forced to, and that saddens me immensely. 

I know many people may be in an even more difficult position than i as they are married, have kids or have worked for the company so long it may be harder for them to find work elsewhere or pick up their lives and relocate.  I’m single and still relatively young, and if i started a new career i would still be able to build a future.  I don’t know…i just feel lost at this moment.  I don’t want to have to make this decision.  I will have some time to mull this over, but just the thought makes me want to curl up into a ball and hide under the covers like i did when i was a child. 

I have been very thankful for those who have reached out to me and let me know they are thinking of me — colleagues who’ve cried with me, superiors who have let me know they are thinking of me, ones who are even facing the same fate.  And friends who’ve sent me encouraging words, not to mention family who i know will be praying for me.

It is comforting to know that i have people to lean on, even if it is from afar.  Love has no boundaries.



  1. Big hugs Allie! I got a little emotional when I read this blog … everything here has been really weird and depressing all week. 😦 Good luck, everyone on the teams is thinking about you!

  2. Oh Allie, you’ve summed up my thoughts and feelings so concisely. What a horrible shock. But please do know that we are thinking of you and wishing you were back with us! I’m glad you got to have fun over the weekend and get your mind off things, and I’m impressed you’re sticking things out in Manila. I hope that you have many more pleasant experiences while you’re still there!

  3. Tears came to my eyes as I read this. I’m impressed that you can continue to be so professional about your work. We miss you and you continue to be in our thoughts here at home. It sounds like you have supportive and caring friends and colleagues in Manila to help you through this difficult time. I hope you enjoy the rest of your time there!

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